Have you ever......?

Have you ever come to a moment in your parenting where you start to feel like you are the WORST parent in the world? I have just arrived at one of the moments and, I have to say, I don't much care for the feeling!

What do I owe this existential angst to? Suffice, to say, our daughter was apparently recently abducted by aliens and now we have this Sophia clone who bears little resemblance to our sweet little girl.

This Sophia is extremely moody, cranky and opinionated. Her opinion generally centers around a central theme "I want what I want, and I want it now, and if I don't get it, I'm going to give you a preview of the terrible twos". Keep in mind, she JUST turned 16 months!

I am trying so hard to be patient and unflappable, but I keep checking my watch and ask myself, "how many hours until Colin gets home from his trip?"

What is really odd, is that she will go from being this Alien clone, to the sweetest little girl in two seconds flat. Leaving me reeling, asking myself, "what did I just miss?" Trust me, I'm grateful for those sweet moments because they remind me what an amazing little girl she truly is.

So why do I feel like the world's worst parent? First of all, I don't understand what has brought on Sophia's fiery flashes of temper and being one my own harshest critics, I naturally assume it must be something I am doing wrong. Secondly, although I love Sophia more than I ever imagined possible, I have to admit, that when she is in a full blown tantrum, I don't much like her. Now wait, before, everyone jumps all over me, I am going to emphasize that I LOVE my daughter and wouldn't trade her for the world (so cliche, I know), but we can love someone and still not like their behavior. So perhaps, I should be more specific, I love her, but I don't always like her behavior.

When she is hitting me with her head, or biting me (as she is prone to do when she is teething), I find that I would like to tele transport myself to some remote tropical island, far, far away. As hard as I try to not take it personally, there are still times that I do.

So what makes me think that I can handle a second child? Well, in the calm after the storm, Sophia comes up to me and throws her little body around my leg, asking to be picked up. And after I pick her up, she will lean into me for an unsolicited kiss and then tucks her little head into my shoulder and clings to me for dear life. It is in those moments, I realize that I must be doing something right and I hope that I can do that same something right with our little boy to be.



p.s. For those who posted comments earlier, I apologize, but when I deleted the double post, it deleted the comments too.