Saturday, October 16, 2010

A Punch in the Gut

Everyone who has ever had kids will tell you how fast they grow up. But the first couple of years, I was so busy changing diapers, dressing kids, feeding everyone and waking up 15 times a night with Keenan that it was almost a blur. And honestly, there are aspects of that time period that I do not miss.

Then yesterday, Sophia said something to me that hit me like a punch to the gut. We were at the local park and I was pushing Keenan on the swing and Sophia was on the swing next to him. Sometimes Sophia will ask for a small push to get started but she is very capable of keeping herself going. At one point, I reached over to give her an extra push just to make sure she wasn't feeling left out. Her response? "No Mommy! I don't need help anymore, I can swing by myself."

That's when it hit me....she is growing up, starting to become more self sufficient and there are just some things she doesn't need or want me to help her with anymore. I imagine that before long, this phenomena will become more prevalent, and Keenan will soon follow suit.

Just like that, I felt this immense wave of sadness. I'm so proud of all that she is becoming, but I just didn't realize how it would be tinged with such regret. That moment, the one where she would prod "Mommy, please push me on the swing", that moment has passed. And that's just how quickly it happened.

So feeling nostalgic, I looked at the kids' baby books. When I look at the photos of me with the kids, I see a woman who looks happy but who often looks exhausted and sometimes overwhelmed. I see two little babies doing things that were sweet and cute. They still do sweet and cute things each and every day, but those early years are gone. Thankfully those moments are well documented in photos and on this blog. Sophia's comment reminded me that when the kids ask me to do something for them that I know they can do themselves, sometimes it's OK to go ahead and help them anyway, because before I know it, they won't be asking anymore and those moments will have passed.


At 7:08 PM, Blogger Donna said...

I know what you mean. I look back at photos of the girls when they were much younger and I really miss having babies. They changed so slowly that I didn't fully appreciate that they were leaving babyhood. At the time I'm sure I thought I wouldn't miss it but, looking back, I do. I often wish I could have just a little do-over. Just a day or two to re-live what it was like to have children so small that I could easily carry both of them at once.

But I really love the people they're turning into!

I remember how my son used to holler back "I love you too!" as I dropped him off at school and told him I love him. Then, one day, he thought he was too old to do that and he's never EVER said it back to me even though I say it every single time I say goodbye to him. Now my girls wave to me as they get on the school bus and I know some day they won't do that because it won't be "cool". In fact, they'll probably insist that I not even be anywhere in sight when they get on the bus! I know that day will come! So I just appreciate what I have now. :)

Because they're not little forever. And trust me, they ARE little now. You'll look back on photos of Sophia and you'll be shocked at just how much of a baby your girl actually was at this age.

Our Blog: Double Happiness!


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